Reasons Why Married People Cheat Causes and Risk Factors

Reasons Why Married People Cheat Causes and Risk Factors Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print Causes and Risks of Why Married People Cheat Motivations for extramarital affairs are vast and can vary by gender By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Reviewed by Reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW on July 01, 2019 facebook twitter instagram Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Dont Do, and a highly sought-after speaker. Learn about our Wellness Board Amy Morin, LCSW Updated on November 26, 2019 More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse There are many reasons why married people cheat. Upwards of 40% of married couples are impacted by infidelity,?? and despite the high percentage, most people â€" even those who stray â€" will say that cheating is wrong. Risk factors such as personality disorders and childhood issues, as well as opportunities such as social media  and poor boundaries, can increase the chance that one of these reasons will actually lead to some type of affair. Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail. Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention is given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage â€" neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated â€" that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship. Less often, the cheater doesnt value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesnt care about the consequences. We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but its important to point out upfront that a partner doesnt cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating. Verywell / Jessica Olah Motivations Differ by Sex Men are more likely to have affairs than women and are often seeking more sex or attention.?? Men express their love in a more physical way â€" they often dont have the perfect feeling words for their wives. So sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy. If men arent sexually satisfied (for instance, if their spouse declines sex often), they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling unloved.  In fact, men are more likely than women to cheat due to a feeling of insecurity. When women cheat, theyre often trying to fill an emotional void.?? Women frequently complain of disconnection from a spouse, and of the wish to be desired and cherished. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship. An affair is more often a transitional partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave to her marriage and this other person helps her do just that.   Thats not to say that sexual satisfaction isnt a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. In one study of men and women who were actively pursuing or involved in extramarital affairs, both genders said they were hoping to improve their sex livesâ€"because they felt their primary relationship was lacking between the sheets. Similarly, boredom with the marital relationship may lead both men and women to cheat. Causes and Risk Factors Theres a myriad of reasons or causes why men or women may engage in an extramarital liaison, but certain risk factorsâ€"either  with one of the individuals or the marriage as a wholeâ€"increasing the odds it will happen. Risk Factors With an Individual The general rule is that it takes two to tango, or in this case, to mess up their marriage with an affair, but there are certainly exceptions. Individual factors that may increase the chance of infidelity include: Addiction: Substance abuse issues, whether its addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or something else, are clear risk factors. Alcohol, in particular, can reduce inhibitions so that a person who wouldnt consider having an affair when sober, may cross the line. Previous Cheating: The saying once a cheater, always a cheater is more than an old wives tale. A 2017 study was the first to evaluate the credibility of this saying.?? In this study, those who were involved in an extramarital sexual relationship were three times more likely to become involved in extramarital relationships in their next relationship. Personality Disorders and Psychological Issues: People who have strong narcissistic traits or personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder are more likely to cheat. With narcissism, an affair may be driven by ego and a sense of entitlement. In addition to being self-centered, people with these disorders often lack empathy, so they dont appreciate the impact of their actions on their spouse. The particular psychological issues or personality traits that raise the risk of adultery in marriage may differ between the sexes. In a 2018 study looking at personality traits, women who ranked high in neuroticism and men who ranked higher in narcissism were more likely to cheat. Some attachment styles, such as attachment avoidance or attachment insecurity, as well as intimacy disorders have also been looked at in relationship to a propensity to cheat. Poor self-esteem and insecurity can also raise the risk of an affair as a way to prove worthiness. Mental Illness: Some mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder are a risk factor for cheating in marriage. Childhood Issues: Having a history of childhood trauma (such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect) is associated with a higher chance that a person will cheat (if he or she has not addressed the trauma and has unresolved issues). Exposure to infidelity in childhood can also increase the risk of infidelity. A 2015 review found that children who are exposed to a parent having an affair are twice as likely to have an affair themselves.?? Sex Addiction: Certainly, sex addiction in one partner increases the chance that they will be unsatisfied with the physical aspect of their marriage and look elsewhere. Risk Factors with the Relationship Problems in the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating. Some of these include: Lack of communicationEmotional and/or physical disconnectLow compatibility (people who married for the wrong reasons): Low compatibility can lead to a sense of buyers remorseDomestic violence and emotional abuseFinancial pressuresLack of respect Tips for Talking to Your Spouse About Difficult Topics Reasons for Cheating With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity. Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs. One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partners needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed. Marital partners are not mind readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly. Running away from problems (conflict avoidance) rather than staying and addressing them is another crucial element in communication and commitment  in marriage. Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating include: Unhappiness/Dissatisfaction: Dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually is common. Marriage is work, and without mutual nurturing couples may grow apart. A sexless marriage is often claimed as a reason by both men and women. Feeling Unappreciated: Feeling unvalued or neglected can lead to infidelity in both sexes, but is more common in women. When both partners work, women still often carry the brunt of the work when it comes to caring for the home and children. In this situation, the affair validates the persons sense of worthiness. On the flip side of this, however, is that feeling neglected may be related to unrealistic expectations of a partner rather than true neglect. Lack of Commitment: Everything else aside, a 2018 study found that people who are less committed to their relationship are more likely to cheat.?? Boredom: As noted, boredom can lead to an affair in both men and women who are looking for the thrill of the chase and the excitement and passion associated with newfound love. Some people claim that, rather than looking for a substitute for their partner, their fling is a way to spice up their marriage. Falling out of love is also frequently cited as a reason for cheating, but maybe a lack of understanding of the normal maturing of love in marriage. Body Image/Aging: Illustrated frequently by stories of middle-aged men having an affair with women the age of their daughters, cheating may sometimes be a way for a man (or woman) to prove that they still have it. Hand in hand with these thoughts, a spouse may cast blame for their own indiscretions by claiming that their spouse has let himself/herself go. Revenge: If one partner has had an affair or has damaged the partner in some way, the offended partner may feel a need for revenge resulting in an affair. Secondary Reasons for Cheating In addition to the primary reasons for cheating noted above, there are secondary reasons that may lead to an affair. Some of these include: The Internet: Having an affair, especially an emotional affair, is much easier than in past, and social media sites have been implicated in many affairs and divorces. Internet infidelity or online cheating is still cheating, even if the two people never met face to face. Pornography: While its a role in marital infidelity has been downplayed, pornography is dangerous to  marriage and has clearly been demonstrated to be a gateway for some people. Unfortunately, pornography has become much more accessible to the internet. Opportunity: Periods of absence, whether traveling for work or serving in the military provide greater opportunity for an affair to occur. Not only do these absences allow a spouse to have an affair with little risk of being discovered, but the absence may lead to the loneliness and resentment often cited as reasons. While a long-distance marriage is not ideal, there are ways to keep your marriage strong when apart. Poor Boundaries: Poor personal boundaries, or the limits we place on other people as to what we find acceptable or unacceptable, can also increase the chance that an affair will occur. People who find it hard to say no (being overly compliant or people pleasers) may find themselves in an affair even if it wasnt what they desired in the first place. Coping With a Cheating Spouse Sometimes people have a suspicion that their spouse is cheating but dont have any solid evidence. While often the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly. And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie. The best approach will vary for different couples, but if youre concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs. Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating Cry for Help vs. Exit Strategy In some marriages, an affair is a cry for help, a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but arent addressing. In this case, the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the fore. Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategyâ€"a way to end an unhappy marriage. Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with. Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity? When Youve Been Wronged If you were the one cheated on, its critical to realize that youre not responsible for your spouse making the decision to cheat. You are not to blame for his or her behavior. You may, however, want to explore how the dynamics between you and your spouse led you to this point. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues can lead a couple to fix the underlying problems in their relationship and grow closer. Women tend to find emotional affairs more threatening than sexual affairs, whereas men are more willing to forgive emotional affairs but for both, the most common response to learning of their partners affair is jealousy. Even if you were the one wronged, working with a professional may be helpful in coping and recovering yourself. Unresolved jealousy can lead to resentment, and as the old adage claims: Resentment is like poison you drink yourself, and then wait for the other person to die. Tips for Coping When Your Spouse is Unfaithful Overcoming Infidelity Some couples can move past infidelity and move on to have even an even better relationship, whereas some cannot. Certainly, there are times when continuing the marriage wouldnt be recommended. Before you analyze the specifics of the affair from your spouses perspective and look at why the affair occurred in terms of his or her needs, its important to look at your own needs. This can be more challenging than it sounds, especially amidst the jealousy and anger. If you were the one who had an affair, there are several steps you can take if you hope to save your marriage. Foremost you need to stop cheating and lying immediately and own your choice. Being patient and giving your spouse space is essential. That doesnt say it will work out. It may not. But without accepting full responsibility (not blaming or justifying your behavior) the chances will be low. The chance that you can get past the affair depends on many factors, such as the reasons why it occurred and the characteristics of both people. To truly understand and move forward, both partners will need to listen to the other (which can be extremely challenging in this setting), and not assume that their partners motivation or feelings would be the same as their own. For those who decide to try and overcome infidelity, it appears that the mutual capacity to forgive and a strong commitment to the relationship are key. A Word From Verywell There are many potential reasons for cheating, and marriage is complicated. But speaking directly, expressing your needs, practicing forgiveness, and making a commitment to work on your marriage daily are the best insurance plan to protect your marriage. The 6 Best Online Marriage Counseling Programs

Network Security And Security Assessment - 1194 Words

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Comparing Brutus And Cassius Comparing Humans Essay

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Road Traffic Noise Free Essays

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The Time Machine Essays (1505 words) - The Time Machine, Morlock

The Time Machine Time traveling, a concept known to modern man as inconceivable, but in The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells, this fathom of human fantasy has come to life. Wells entangles a unique blend of contrasting characters, conflicts of capitalist verses laborer divisions, and foreshadowing of the destruction of humanity to seem together this novel of visionary proportions. The Time Machine is a bleak and sober vision of mans place in the Universe.(McConnell Pg.1581) Wells use of characters in The Time Machine brings a heavy sense of contrast and diversity into the story. There are five main characters around which the story revolves. Beginning with the Eloi and the Morlocks, which are the two branches of humanity in the year 802,701. The Eloi, who are our capitalist force, and whom resemble modern humans the most, live above ground and feed on the vast vegetation that has engulfed the Earth. The Eloi are lazy and mind spans to that of a five-year-old. The Eloi never fully mature for the cannibalistic Morlocks harvest them at a certain age as food. The Eloi are described as fair of skin and hair and are considered childlike and frail. Fragile little creatures perhaps four feet tall, they pass their time in playing gently, in bathing in the river, in making love in a half-playful fashion, in eating fruit and sleeping. Human vigor and energy have passed into languor and decay.(McConnell Pg.3865) The Eloi live in splendid castles, but these beautifu l porcelain castles are crumbling because of a lack of maintenance due to inferiority and lack of concern from the Eloi. But a second look reveals that is only a ruined splendor. All human artifacts are slowly crumbling. Some of the buildings are already gone, and even the many still-standing buildings, in which the surface people live, are decaying.(McConnell Pg.3865) The second branch is the race known as the Morlocks. The Morlocks, on the other hand from the Eloi, are the laborer and harsher branch of humanity. The Morlocks are hairy and monstrous creatures with red glowing eyes and razor sharp teeth. He is supprised to learn of another people, the Morlocks, ugly, fearsome, and subterranean.(Molson Pg.600) The Morlocks live under ground in a subterranean environment running machines and underground factories. Due to their adaptations to their underground living environment, the Morlocks only come to the upper world in the dark, for they cannot stand the glare of sunlight. They are strange little beings whose pallid bodies are just the half-bleached color of the worms and things one sees preserved in spirit in a zoological museum. They are chinless, and in their faces are set great lidless, pinkish grey eyes that glow of red. At night they leave their subterranean world to hunt down Eloi for food.(McConnell Pg.3865) The next character is the Time Traveler himself, who remains nameless throughout the whole novel. He is an inventor with an infatuation of the future and Darwins theory of the fourth dimension. The Time Traveler is middle class citizen, just as Wells was in his day. The traveler is highly concerned with the world to come and has spent years perfecting his spectacular machine. It took two years to make, retorted the Time Traveler.(Wells Pg.14) The next character is Weena. Weena is one of the Eloi who befriends the Time Traveler after he saves her from drowning in a nearby stream. Even though, in the beginning, the Time Traveler states that no gender can be determined of these creatures, he seems to be sure that Weena is female. The way Weena acts around the Time Traveler is like that of a pet or small child. She cannot perform any humane actions, talking, logically thinking, Etc. It is also no accident that language itself has declined to a very simple level, for language is what marks the human intellectual capacity to question, evaluate, and explore. Weena can do none of these things.(Magill Pg.867) Lastly there is the narrator of the story, Mr. Hillyer. Mr. Hillyer doesnt really play a main image in the story line, he is merely there to relay the story. Mr. Hillyer is a guest of the Time Traveler, who has been invited to dinner. Mr. Hillyers curiosity gets the

The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay Essays

The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay Essays The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay Essay The Analysis of the Escape by W.S. Maugham Essay Essay What we call a â€Å"Chicago accent† is really called the Inland North American idiom. This encompasses the major metropoliss around the Great Lakes. The idiom used to be considered the standard American speech pattern until the part experienced a vowel displacement. now called the North Cities Vowel Shift. Who Speaks the Chicago Dialect? Or instead. who doesn’t? The reply. of class. is African Americans in the Chicago part. who have their ain ( and boundlessly more interesting ) idiom. Though this may be obvious. African Americans are the largest population group in Chicago. and it would be irresponsible to overlook the fact that the Chicago idiom is non used by the largest sector of the city’s population. The most outstanding characteristic of the Chicago idiom is that it is undergoing the Northern Cities Vowel Shift. This is most noticeable in words with the /ae/ vowel. which gets â€Å"raised† so that it’s near to /e/ . Thus. ‘bad’ sounds a spot like ‘bed. ’ or. ‘beead. ’ Another noteworthy facet of this vowel displacement is that /o/ is â€Å"fronted† so that it is closer to /ah/ . So hot sounds a lttle like ‘hat. ’ As an on-going alteration. it is more prevailing and more marked among immature people. middle-class people. and females. but it is rather widespread. about all white Chicagoans exhibit this vowel displacement. at least to some extent. A more local vowel development is a monophthongization of /ow/ to /oh/ . so that ‘south’ becomes ‘soth’ and ‘down’ becomes ‘don. ’ This is more conservative and less widespread. Besides we can detect that when a vowel sound moves into another vowel’s district. the consequence may be a amalgamation - as when the sound of caught comes to be pronounced with the lingua in the same part of the oral cavity as for fingerstall. In a different form. the motion of one vowel spurs a reactive motion in a adjacent vowel. As with aliens in an lift. one vowel displacements to maintain its distance when another enters the infinite. These co-ordinated motions are heard in the Northern Cities Shift. which affects six different vowels. those looking in caught. fingerstall. cat. spot. stake and but. In this alteration. caught takes on a vowel similar to that originally used for fingerstall. The fingerstall vowel besides shifts. going more like the vowel of cat. The vowel of cat takes a place closer to that normally heard with spot and sometimes sounds like the â€Å"ea† in thought. Wordss like spot are pronounced with a vowel nearer to wager or even but whereas stake words have a vowel similar to that in cat or but. and the vowel but words comes to sound more like that of caught. When these alterations are plotted harmonizing to the placement of the lingua. the connexions among them are clear and the displacement resembles a clockwise rotary motion of the vowels in the oral cavity. The Northern Cities Shift: These usher words are positioned to stand for where in the oral cavity the lingua is placed for those vowel sounds. The pointers indicate the waies of alteration impacting the sounds. Consonants The stereotype about Chicagoans is that they say â€Å"dis† alternatively of â€Å"this. † but that’s non wholly accurate. The existent pronunciation is someplace in between. To come close it. first pronounce /th/ the standard manner. with the tip of your lingua between your dentitions. Then. maintaining your dentitions apart. travel the tip of your lingua to the dorsum of your dentitions. That’s the typical Chicago /th/ . Contrast it with /d/ . which is made with the dentitions closed. and the lingua against the roof of the oral cavity. This is a conservative trait. and is more common among older people. working category people. and males. The voiceless equivalent. that is. the /th/ of in the word ‘thick’ is even more conservative. Vocabulary Chicago vocabulary is reasonably everyday. As a widely distributed topographic point. the vocabulary is more generalised than in rural countries. so that Chicagoans are at least familiar with words that were once used by dialectologists as markers of Southern idiom or â€Å"Midland† – that is. the idiom in between Northern and Southern. However. there are a few localisms which are deserving mentioning: What other people call rubbernecking. Chicagoans call â€Å"gaping† – therefore an accident on the side of the route can do a â€Å"gapers’ delay† or â€Å"gapers’ block. † Besides. Chicagoans are more likely to utilize the term â€Å"gym places. † Grammar In Chicago. like in other American metropoliss that had tonss of German-speaking immigrants. â€Å"with† can be used more often as a verbal complement. Therefore. while most Americans might state â€Å"come with. † Chicagoans can besides state â€Å"take with† and â€Å"have with. † Consider the undermentioned spot of duologue from Chicagoan David Mamet’s play â€Å"American Buffalo. † : Donny: ( Talking about a gun ) I don’t want it with.Thatch: Well. I want it with.In the 1996 movie version. Donny’s line sounds all right when delivered by Chicagoan Dennis Franz. but Angeleno Dustin Hoffman has problem doing Teach’s line sound natural ; he’s clearly uncomfortable stating it.

Writing Acrostic Poems Valentines Poetry Lesson

Writing Acrostic Poems Valentines Poetry Lesson Are you in need of a quick Valentines Day poetry lesson plan to share with your students? Consider practicing acrostic poetry with them. To begin, follow these steps. First you must start by modeling the format of acrostic poems with your students. Work together to write a collective acrostic poem on the whiteboard. You can start out simple and use a students name. As a class brainstorm words and/or phrases that correlate with how the students feel about the name you are using for the example. For instance, lets say that you use the name Sara. Students may say words like sweet, awesome, rad, etc.Give your students a Valentines-related word list so that they can write their own acrostic poem. Consider the words: love, February, heart, friends, appreciate, chocolate, red, hero, and happy. Discuss the meaning of these words and the importance of expressing their appreciation to loved ones on the Valentines Day holiday.Next, give your students time to write their acrostic poems. Circulate and offer guidance as needed. Be sure to offer students suggestions if they ask.If you have time, allow the students to illustrate their poems. This project makes a great bulletin board display for February, especially if you do it a few weeks ahead of time! Suggest that your students give their acrostic poems to family members as Valentines Day gifts. Valentines Acrostic Poem Sample #1 Here is a sample of just using the word Valentine from a teacher. V - Very important to me A - Always smiling at me L - Love and adoration is what I feel E - Every day I love you N - Never make me frown T - Too many reasons to count I - I hope were always together N - Now and forever E - Each and every moment with you is special Sample #2 Here is a sample of using the word February from a student in fourth grade. F - feels very cold E - every single day B - because its winter time in every single way R - red means love U - underneath the warm sun A - always dreaming of the warmer months R -ready to celebrate Valentines day Y - Yes, I love Valentines Day even though its cold outside Sample  #3 Here is a sample acrostic poem using the word love from a second grade student. L - laughing O -oh how I love to laugh V - valentines day is about love E - every day I wish it was Valentines Day Sample #4 Here is a sample poem by a fifth grade student using the word grandma. G - Grandma is special and kind and sweet R - rad like a biker and someone you want to meet A - awesome N - not to mention cool D - daring and sweet, she always M - makes me laugh A - and that just cant be beat Sample #5 Here is a sample poem written by a fifth grader for her best friend. In this poem she used the name of her friend. A - A is for awesome and for someone I want to be N - N is for nice, because shes like my family D - D is for dedicated, because she is always by my side R - R is for radiant, I will always have her pride E - E is for generic, shes always on the go A - A is for angelic, she always seems to glow.